Tristan & Alfred
by Captain Jack's Lass
Summary: Do you love the characters from Legends of the Fall, but sometimes wish there was an alternate story? I've taken Tristan, Alfred, and Susannah and written another version.


She was standing at the window studying the darkness as the noise of the party continued on around her. She had made her rounds earlier, greeting and socializing with members of high society as was expected of her. Her husband was still socializing somewhere, chatting up some high ranking political party member or flirting with some single young socialite.

She sighed softly, taking one step closer to the window before raising her wine glass to her deeply painted red lips. She closed her eyes to take in the scent of the wine and fully enjoy it in a desperate attempt to pacify herself. Bringing the glass down, she propped her elbow on the arm she had wrapped around her waist, keeping the blush colored liquid close to her cheek.

_Had she made the right decision? Seven years of marriage and still she wasn't sure. She had a life most women would find themselves envious of - a husband who as a Congressman provided wealth and an important social status, a home large enough for a family three time their size to live in comfortably with hired help to not only clean, but to assist her in whatever she might find she needed, all the money she could ever need as well as enough to tickle her fancy if she wished to splurge, and as much free time as her heart desired, her only real obligation the support of her husband and his career. She was an elite member of society and had a future ahead of her that ten years ago when her parents passed away she would never have even dreamed of being able to have._

_ She had been born in England, the only child of two parents who had worked hard through her childhood to make sure she received a good education and the opportunities they had never been given. Two weeks shy of her sixteenth birthday, they had sent her to live with her uncle in America while they gathered everything they owned and planned to make the same voyage several months later. However, tragedy had struck and the ocean liner carrying them to their new home had sunk, causing both of her parents to disappear forever beneath the icy waters of the Atlantic Ocean._

_ Her uncle was a nice enough man, but he had only been doing a favor for his eldest sister. Having no real intentions of every becoming a parent, he allowed her to stay long enough for her to get herself together, but stressed the importance that she be on her own as soon as possible._

_ Then she had met Alfred. It hadn't been love at first sight, but they had been comfortable and happy together. She was young, beautiful, well educated, and willing to bear his children, giving him the all important male heir. In proposing to her, he offered her an opportunity to have a future, and a very comfortable one at that. She had agreed, of course, almost immediately and he had taken her home several weeks later to meet his family._

_ It had been a long train ride from the city out to his parent's country estate in Montana. His father raised cattle for a living and his mother kept things around the house in order. They had met them at the train station and driven them to the ranch. It hadn't been until dinner that evening that she had met his younger brother, Tristan. They had sat at the dining room table dressed in their evening attire, picked out particularly for such special occasions, and waited, until his mother had started to worry._

_ "Where is he?" she fretted. "He knows tonight is important to you."_

_ "It's ok, Mother," Alfred tried to reassure her._

_ "Our food is going to be cold," she said, surveying their full plates around the table._

_ "I'm sure he'll be here anytime now Isabel," her husband offered._

_ She fretted for another ten full minutes before deciding to go ahead and start without him. It had, however, clearly bothered her, enough to cause her to fume silently through the beginning of their meal._

_ They had just finished their salads when they heard the back door slam and a few seconds later a man covered in mud entered the room. The hours he had spent outside working in the heat had gifted his body with a deep tan and a muscular build. His long blond hair was held back in a low ponytail from which several wild strands had managed to escape, hanging loosely and framing his face. He walked directly to the foot of the table and sat down, tipping his wide brimmed cowboy hat in her direction before taking it off and setting it on the table beside him._

_"Tristan, you could have cleaned up before joining us at dinner tonight," his mother chided. "It's not as if this wasn't planned." _

_Tristan gave his mother a slightly annoyed sideways glance as his father defended him, "Give him a break Isabel. He's been out tending to the cattle all day. At least the boy isn't afraid to get his hands dirty."_

_The statement was meant as a slant to Alfred, but went ignored after a lifetime of comparisons between the brother's lifestyles._

_Turning his full attention to her, he said, "I assume that you must be the beautiful Susannah who I have heard so much about. It seems my brother here is a very lucky man."_

_She wondered if the entire table had noticed her melting as his deep blue eyes locked onto her own honey gaze. She managed to smile before blushing a deep crimson. For Susannah, it was love at first sight._

_The rest of that night had passed in an eerie sort of spiral for her. The family had talked and joked amongst themselves and would have made her feel perfectly at home except that she found herself unable to focus on anything much further than Tristan. _

_He was the polar opposite of his brother. Where Alfred was polished and refined, a knowledgeable businessman with heavy ties to political contacts and business savvy gentlemen, Tristan was rough around the edges and unrefined, a nature lover with the insight of cattle ranching and farming running thick through his blood. Alfred was calm and organized. He knew how to talk to people and was extremely intelligent. Tristan was wild and untamed. He went where he wanted to go and did what he wanted to do and didn't care what anyone thought about it. Alfred was his mother's son; in her eyes, he did no wrong. He was every bit the city boy she had hoped to raise. Tristan, however, was his father's child. He was the one who was never afraid of manual labor and he was the one who was going to keep the family business alive and running smoothly when his father was gone. _

_After dinner, the family moved to the living room for continued conversation while their maid cleaned up in the dining room and kitchen. Tristan joined them, but Susannah could tell there was somewhere else he would rather be. He was humoring his parents, mainly his mother, but Susannah didn't care. She was glad for his company and happy to simply enjoy his presence. As the night wore on, she grew tired and Alfred offered to take her to her room. She agreed and exchanged "goodnight"s with his family._

_Alfred walked her upstairs and let her into the bedroom she would be staying in, his hand on the small of her back._

_"Are you alright my love?" he asked her._

_"Yes, of course," she answered._

_"You seem distracted tonight," he commented._

_Susannah turned to face him, putting her hand on his shirt as if to straighten his collar. "I'm just happy to be here, with you."_

_Alfred smiled at her, brushing her long dark hair back from her shoulders. "I'm glad you're here with me too," he said, kissing her softly._

_"Your family is wonderful. They've been so kind to me."_

_"Mother and Father have always been perfect hosts. Tristan," he paused, twirling a curl of her hair around his finger, "is a different story." Alfred rolled his eyes before adding, "He has a complete lack of manners. You would think he was raised with our cattle rather than in our house." Alfred laughed._

_Susannah dropped her eyes and laughed uncomfortably, "It's fine, really. He just has different priorities."_

_"That's a very polite way of putting it," Alfred chuckled, stroking her cheek with his fingertips. "One of the things I love about you is that you're so understanding of others."_

_"He's your brother," she offered, meeting his eyes._

_Alfred kissed her again, more persistently this time. Susannah's arms went around him and he pulled her closer to him._

_"I love you Susannah," he whispered._

_"I love you too, Alfred," she said._

_Kissing her one final time, he added, "Get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning."_

_"Goodnight," Susannah said._

_"Goodnight," he whispered, pulling the door closed behind himself._

_Susannah changed into her nightgown and brushed her long brown hair into a low ponytail. She sat on the edge of her bed giving the day's events a few final thoughts before settling under the covers and resting her head on the pillow. She fell asleep almost immediately, but awoke just before dawn, unsure of what exactly had woken her. Crawling out of bed, she decided to tiptoe downstairs to the kitchen for a drink of water before going back to sleep._

_"Couldn't sleep?" came the voice from the darkness._

_Susannah jumped, not having expected anyone to be awake so early. She turned to face Tristan._

_"You startled me," she said, her fingers grazing her collarbone as she realized how inappropriately she was dressed in front of her fiancé's younger brother._

_Tristan gave a small smile, but offered no apology._

_"You're leaving?" she asked, noticing he was carrying a large pack on his back and standing halfway out of the screen door leading to the yard._

_"Just for a few days," he said._

_"Oh," she answered, feeling a twinge of disappointment. "I don't remember Alfred mentioning that."_

_Tristan gave her a toothy grin, "I'm not sure that I told him, but my family is used to me leaving for a while here and there. I've got some business to attend to."_

_"I see," Susannah said._

_"Truth is, I should have left yesterday, but I thought I should stick around and meet you." Tristan turned his gaze for half a moment to the foggy field. "Turns out I probably should have just gone anyway."_

_Susannah's eyes clouded, questioning the meaning behind his last statement._

_Tristan took a harder glance at the field, "I've never been jealous of Alfred a day in my life and I don't intend to start now."_

_Susannah was unsure of what to say and crossed her arms, rubbing her shoulders in an attempt to stay warm._

_"Alfred's a good man. He's ready to have a family to share his life with and you'll never have to worry about him providing for you. He's definitely connected to the right people."_

_"Mmmm," Susannah nodded._

_"He'll take care of you, at least he better."_

_There was an uncomfortable pause for a moment._

_"Well, I'll see you around," he said, tipping his hat, the screen door closing behind him._

_"Tristan?" she called after him, moving to the door._

_"Yeah," he turned around, taking a few steps toward her._

_"Will we see you again?" she asked, pushing the door open slightly. "Before Alfred and I leave?"_

_"I don't know," he said, taking a few steps closer, until he could feel her breath on his face. "Take care of my brother." He reached out and brushed a loose curl behind her ear in a gesture lacking self-restraint._

_Susannah nodded, dropping her eyes._

_Touching her chin to lift her face, he gave her a wink, "See ya around."_

_That was the last she had seen of him for months. She and Alfred had travelled back to the city and begun to plan their wedding. She had tried to forget about Tristan, about the way she had felt about him from the instant their eyes had met. And for a while, it had worked._

_Then the war had come. Despite his work with politics and amongst politicians, Alfred had still been drafted. The couple had spoken in depth about their relationship since the original wedding date was planned for mid April and Alfred was scheduled to be in Germany by the end of the month. They had finally decided to wait until he came home from the war to be married. Realistically, neither of them were willing to risk two weeks of marriage that potentially might leave her a widow only a month later. Since Susannah was without any close finally, her uncle having cut ties with her as soon as she became engaged, Alfred spoke at length with his mother and father and came to the conclusion that she would live with them at the ranch until he returned from the war. _

_At the end of April, as spring was hatching through the snow of Montana, Susannah arrived with only two suitcases containing all of her belongings to live with his family as if they were her own. The weeks passed slowly for her at first. Unaccustomed to life in the country, she found herself growing tired with too much reading and thinking day after day. Alfred's parents knew she was in enough pain due to the heartbreak of her fiancé being off at war and therefore, weren't about to ask her to pitch in any labor around the ranch. However, had they asked, she wouldn't have been much help, not knowing how to do any of the tasks associated with farm life. She had never spent more than a few days outside of the city, and had only accomplished this most recently while visiting Alfred's family._

_Susannah had been living on the ranch for almost an entire month when Tristan came home from another of his long trips away. Sitting on the porch and enjoying a bit of midafternoon sun, she first noticed a man on horseback some distance off. From so far away, she was unable to make out his features, but she knew it was him. She could feel it deep inside her heart._

_He drew closer and closer and when his horse galloped through the gates, she was anxiously waiting at the edge of the porch._

_"Miss Fincannon," he greeted, tipping his hat in much the same fashion as he had upon their first introduction. "It's good to see you again," he said, dismounting from his horse. "I only wish the circumstances that brought you here were more positive," he finished, coming to stand in front of her._

_Just then the screen door slammed shut and they turned to see Colonel Ludlow approaching. _

_"Tristan," she called, stopping him as he stepped to greet his father. "Will you be staying very long this time?" she asked._

_Tristan smiled. "Long enough for us to get to know each other," he said before taking several long strides to greet his father in a bear hug._

_Susannah blushed a light rose as she thought about his implications and then scolded herself, turning a deeper hue, for thinking anything might have been implied at all. She was going to be his brother's wife, why should his thoughts be anything but solely pure?_

_To her great disappointment, he did not join them for dinner that evening and she found herself too uncomfortable to inquire into his whereabouts. She retired to bed early that evening only to find herself haunted by strange dreams for much of the night. On waking the next morning, she got dressed and planned to spend her day whittling away her time as she often did. She was starting on the last twenty pages of Dickens' David Copperfield - it was going to be the fifth book she had completed in the last month - when the screen door slammed and Tristan stepped onto the porch._

_"Good morning," he said._

_"Good morning," she returned._

_"Mother said you might enjoy some company," he paused for a moment. "Now, I don't like to read all that much, I prefer more active hobbies. Would you be interested?"_

_Susannah let out a small laugh as she tucked her bookmark into the pages of the novel, "What do you have in mind?"_

_"You know how to ride?" he asked._

_"Surprisingly, I do," she responded._

_"Would you like me to show you more of the land my parents own? There are much more beautiful places to read than this old house."_

_"Alright," she agreed, rising to join him._

_"You may want to slip on some pants while I saddle the horses. I'll bring them up when they're ready."_

_It didn't take Susannah long to change clothes and check her reflection in the mirror. She tried to smooth her hair down before deciding to pull it back into a ponytail and tie it with a ribbon. Hearing the horses' hooves on the ground near her window, she rushed outside to meet Tristan._

_"All set?" he asked, holding both horses by the reins._

_"Yes," she nodded, walking over to him._

_"This is Misty," he said, offering her the reins to a beautiful grey mare._

_"Hello sweet girl," Susannah took the reins and let the horse sniff her hand before rubbing her muzzle._

_"Are you a good rider?" he asked, mounting a muscular chestnut bay._

_"Surprisingly again, yes. I'm fairly good at this," she commented, pulling herself into the saddle._

_"Let's see," Tristan said, taking off at a gallop._

_Susannah caught up to him in only a few minutes' time. "If I knew the land better, I'd race you," she said, giving him a smile._

_"It wouldn't matter. You still wouldn't win," Tristan said, smiling broadly. "Father's favorite place to fish is at the southeast bend of the river. It's about an hour and a half ride from here. We'll take a break there."_

_The ride out to the river was beautiful, but Tristan kept up a steady pace, giving them little time for conversation. By the time they arrived at their destination, it was the middle of the day and the horses were breathing heavy. Tristan dismounted and led his horse to the edge of the water to take a drink, removing the bit from its mouth to give it some comfort. Susannah followed suit, but allowed Tristan to reach over and pull the bit from Misty's mouth._

_As the horses drank, Susannah studied the area. The river lay in front of them, almost fifteen feet across. The water ran by at a quiet pace, just pulling enough to let her know it had some power. An open meadow lay behind them the way they had come, a dense forest far in the distance to their left and to their right lay more trees. Tristan had stopped at the very edge, allowing them the option of sun or shade. _

_"What a beautiful day," she commented, gazing up at the sky._

_"It's amazing what you can see when you wander off the front porch and begin to explore out here."_

_Susannah gave a small chuckle followed by an uncomfortable smile._

_"Mother said you haven't been five steps from the house since you got here. I know you miss him, but look around you. You're missing out on so much beauty."_

_Susannah managed a tiny smile before her eyes filled with tears._

_"Come on now," Tristan said. "Don't start that. I wasn't trying to get you all upset."_

_Susannah smoothed her hair back, training her dark brown eyes on the sky, but failing to stop the tears from trickling down her cheeks. Watching her wipe at them futilely, Tristan didn't rush to her side, but pulled the horses away from the water and tied them to a thick tree trunk in the shade._

_Susannah seated herself on a large grey rock several feet away from the water's edge and continued attempting to brush her tears away. Tristan sat down beside her, removing his hat and setting it down beside him. He then stretched his legs out, crossing them at the ankles in a relaxed, but attentive position._

_"I'm sorry," she offered, feeling incredibly silly to be crying in front of him._

_"It's alright," he commented. "Your fiancé is off at war. It's a good reason to be upset," he added, crossing his arms across his chest._

_Susannah nodded._

_"I wish I could tell you everything will be fine, that he's safe and that he's going to come home to you very soon, but I don't know that and I won't lie to you just to make you feel better."_

_Susannah let out a soft whimper. "It's no worse than me lying to myself," she mumbled._

_"That's different," Tristan disagreed. "You need to convince yourself to be strong for him. He needs encouraging words from you."_

_"Does he?" Susannah shook her head. "I've written so many letters, and yet I have nowhere to send them. Alfred hasn't written me once. Perhaps he doesn't think of me at all."_

_"That's not true. I'm sure you already know that my brother focuses intensely on whatever project he's involved in at the moment. Right now, he's focusing on staying alive so that when this is all over, he can come home to his future wife."_

_"Mmm," Susannah managed, her eyebrows rising._

_"How could he not?" Tristan asked. "When he's going to be marrying someone as beautiful as you." He tried to resist, but finding the urge too strong, reached up and brushed away a single tear with his thumb._

_Susannah's eyes widened in a brief moment of surprise. "Thank you," she said simply. "If it had been you...who had been sent to war," she said, "I don't think I would be so worried."_

_Tristan chuckled slightly, "I suppose that's because we're not engaged to be married."_

_"No, that's not what I meant," Susannah said. "If I was to be your wife, I would worry, but not so much because you seem very capable of taking care of yourself in that kind of situation. You and Alfred are so different. How is it possible for two brothers to have so little in common?"_

_Tristan shrugged, focusing his gaze on the river. "Alfred and I grew up differently. He spent a lot of time with Mother, studying and reading, going into town. I grew up with Father. He taught me how to run the ranch, how to be one with nature, how to survive and live outdoors."_

_"You know how to take care of yourself," she admired quietly._

_"Alfred does too, it's just in a different environment." Tristan gestured around himself, "This is my home. This is where I'm most comfortable. Put me in a city or surround me with a bunch of politicians and I'm lost, but that's where Alfred thrives. He lives for that."_

_Susannah nodded. "I suppose the two of you don't get along very well, judging from the way Alfred speaks of your relationship."_

_"It's not that we don't get along," Tristan offered, meeting her gaze. "It's just that we don't understand each other."_

_"Oh."_

_"We've never had the same passions or the same ambitions, so we've never really had anything to bring us close." He paused for a minute to stare back out at the water. "We've never been interested in the same girl or shared the same friends," he said, directing his eyes back towards her._

_"Until I came along," she said. "Maybe I can change that."_

_Tristan spoke just above a whisper, "You already have."_

_The comment hung there, suspended for seconds that turned into minutes, that felt like hours to Susannah. Her comment had come from the thought of drawing them together as friends, but his, his had come from something more. The tops of her ears burned and her heart pounded so hard she thought it might escape from her chest. Was her mind playing tricks on her or had he actually just said that?_

_Tristan wetted his lips and leaned towards her. She felt the tips of his fingers on the back of her hand and she knew what was coming next._

_"Tristan," she started, meaning to somehow put a stop to the madness she felt herself slowly circling into._

_"Susannah."_

_Hearing him whisper her name so softly, feeling his breath on her face, she couldn't stop him. She didn't want to stop him._

_He reached out and brushed several loose strands of hair out of her face. How they had managed to escape her ponytail, she was unsure, but she was glad for the opportunity they afforded him to touch her. Placing his palm on her cheek, he used his thumb to wipe away the last of her tears. _

_With no warning, Tristan pulled himself away from her, standing to pick up a pebble and toss it into the water. Susannah instantly missed his touch, blinking back more tears that threatened to rise to the occasion. She stood and picked up a stone as well, but settled for simply rubbing its rough edges against her fingers rather than throwing it into the river. The silence that grew between them was unmistakable and uncomfortable. _

_"Tristan."_

_"Susannah."_

_The names came out simultaneously, causing both parties to chuckle uncomfortably._

_"Go ahead," Tristan nodded, picking up another pebble._

_"No, it's alright," she said, unable to meet his eyes._

_Tristan remained silent, and she picked up her conversation with, "I'm glad you're back."_

_He spun another pebble into the water, "Well, I'm not sure how long I'm going to be here."_

_Confusion crossed her face. "I thought you were going to stay a while," she said._

_"Never said that," Tristan said, walking over to untie his horse from the tree and lead it back to drink from the river._

_"Well," Susannah hesitated, "I just thought that maybe we would have time to get to know each other this time, like you said."_

_Tristan nodded, "We should. I've just got some business I've got to take care of pretty soon."_

_Susannah walked to the water's edge and paused, rubbing the pebble with her fingers as she pretended to study its smooth edges. _

_"I've just been so lonely," Susannah tried. "I don't want to burden your parents. They've been so kind to take me in."_

_"Mother would love to dote on you. She'd take you into town to go shopping. She's always loved Alfred so I can't imagine that she'd treat you any different," Tristan said, somewhat distracted by the horses._

_"I can't ask that of her," Susannah tried._

_"I don't see why not," he replied._

_"Tristan please," she tried, tears forming at the corners of her eyes again._

_Hearing her voice catch in her throat, he turned to look at her. "I don't know what you want from me Susannah."_

_She took a few steps closer, her eyes downcast. "A friend," she suggested. "Someone to do things with, to enjoy their company."_

_Tristan was quiet._

_"I just don't want to feel so alone," she tried._

_Tristan decided to change the subject, still tending to the horses, "So how did you and Alfred meet?"_

_"Politics," Susannah answered simply. "A friend of my uncle's introduced us."_

_"Oh?" Tristan asked, seemingly amused. "Was it love at first sight?"_

_Susannah gave a small smile, imagining the irony. "No, it wasn't," she answered. "I would say that it was more of us managing to fill one another's needs."_

_"I'm pretty sure Alfred would share your opinion. I can't see him believing in love at first sight either," Tristan said with a small laugh._

_"I didn't say I didn't believe in it," Susannah corrected. "Just that it wasn't that way for Alfred and I," she finished, looking away._

_A brief silence hovered between them._

_"I love Alfred," she said, half to herself and half to Tristan. "I do. I just wonder sometimes...if there's more out there."_

_"Second thoughts about getting married?" Tristan asked, tending to the other horse now._

_"Just the usual doubts, I suppose. I mean everyone has them, don't they?" she asked._

_Tristan shrugged, "I wouldn't know."_

_"Please don't get me wrong, I love your brother. I really do. I realize everything he's done for me and I know that by marrying him I am providing the best future possible for myself. It's just that I always thought there would be this amazing passion when you found the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. We've never had that passion."_

_Tristan raised an eyebrow. "So I take it he's never...you've never..." he trailed off._

_Susannah seemed surprised, "What?! Oh, no! I didn't mean that."_

_"So you have?" he assumed. _

_"No! No, we haven't," she exclaimed as she discovered her previous statement's double meaning. "Wow, I'm digging myself into a hole, aren't I?"_

_Tristan smiled._

_Susannah sighed, "We're waiting until we're married to be united as one."_

_"Ahhh, the traditionalist," he joked._

_"Not entirely," she replied. "I've had my fun and Alfred knows he won't be the first." She gave a small smile, despite feeling slightly uncomfortable by their current topic of conversation. "He'll just be the last...the most significant."_

_"Setting your expectations rather high for him, aren't you? Is Alfred alright with that?" Tristan seemed doubtful._

_"Well, he's been with girls, other girls, too, you know?" Susannah paused._

_"No, I don't know," he answered. "Alfred and I don't share things like that."_

_"When do you think he'll be home?" she asked._

_"Don't know," Tristan said, tying both horses back to the tree and walking over to join her again. He picked up rocks and began tossing them into the river again as a half effort to distance himself from her. _

_"Have you always enjoyed the outdoors so much?"_

_"Ever since I was a boy. My father brought me up on this land. It's more of a home to me than our own house."_

_Susannah sighed, "It's breathtaking, so beautiful. I've only lived in the city. I can't imagine what growing up somewhere like this would have been like."_

_"You might have been like Alfred and hated it," he suggested._

_"I don't think so," she responded._

_He tossed his last pebble into the river and turned to face her. "It's interesting to me actually that you seem so at home here. That you know how to rider, rather well. That you seem so at peace with nature. And yet you're marrying someone who is so drastically opposed to it all."_

_"I wouldn't say he's opposed to it," she started, but hesitated as she took a long look at the river. Tristan watched tears forming in the corners of her eyes again. "Yes, I suppose we are very different, aren't we?"_

_He didn't answer, unsure of whether it was his place to comfort her again._

_"Oh Tristan," she brought her hands to her face, crying harder and he felt compelled to hug her, embrace her, and attempt to soothe away the pain._

_"Hush, don't start again," he said, pulling her close to him. "I wasn't trying to make you doubt yourself or him."_

_Susannah shook her head. "It's not that."_

_"It's ok," he cupped her head in his hand, stroking her hair. "Shhhh."_

_Susannah pulled away, wiping at her eyes. "I just...I don't...I don't know what I'm doing here."_

_Tristan hardly realized it was happening, but he took her hand in his, squeezing her fingertips. "It'll all be fine." Pulling ever so gently on her hand, he brought her closer to him and although the tears were still fresh on her face, he could not resist himself._

_He kissed her, the hand that held hers moving to her waist as the other caressed the back of her neck. She kissed him back, her head telling her to put an end to the insanity and her heart begging her not to stop. He slipped his tongue into her mouth and despite her tears, she saw fireworks bursting on the backs of her eyelids. It was magic, heat, intensity. And then, all too soon, he pulled away._

_"I'm sorry Susannah," he apologized. "I shouldn't..." he trailed off, not finishing his thought._

_Susannah was silent, unable to think of anything to say at the precise moment that would seem fitting._

_Tristan moved to untie the horses. "We should return to the house. Mother said dinner would be served early this evening. I suspect she expects us both."_

_Susannah mounted Misty without a word, her mind slowly processing what had just transpired between them. Tristan took to his own horse giving his hindquarters a jab to bring him to action. Without another word said, they were flying over the land again, moving closer and closer to what could hardly be referred to as civilization, but to a setting that would force them to get a grip on reality and their feelings._

_When they arrived back at the ranch, they took the horses to the barn. Tristan unsaddled them and Susannah helped brush them out. They moved in a steady rhythm together, but the uncomfortable silence remained until Tristan could take it no more._

_"Susannah, I'm sorry," he offered. "I was..."_

_"Don't," she cut him off, squeezing her eyes shut. "Please don't."_

_Tristan was unsure of what to say._

_"It was the first truly enjoyable kiss I've had in so very long. Please don't spoil it," she continued._

_"Susannah, we both know this can't last."_

_"Just let me enjoy the moment," she said simply._

_Dinner that night went as usual. Tristan and his father spoke mostly about business and Mrs. Ludlow only interrupted to ask Susannah if she was feeling alright after her long ride._

_"You don't seem yourself tonight, dear. Was the ride this afternoon too much for you?"_

_"On the contrary, it was quite nice to get away from the house for a while. It was a beautiful day and it was good to have some company," she answered._

_"Well, you should feel free to join me anytime you wish. I don't want you to feel as though you're ever being excluded," Mrs. Ludlow reminded her._

_"I just don't want to be a burden," Susannah replied._

_"Susannah was telling me that she might like to go into the city some day," Tristan interceded._

_"Of course! That would be simply wonderful! We could spend the day shopping and what not," Mrs. Ludlow offered. "Get you some new clothes to enjoy for when Alfred comes home."_

_"I couldn't ask that of you," Susannah tried._

_"Well, you didn't have to dear. Tristan asked for you. He's only pointing out something that you are in need of, but are too afraid to ask for yourself."_

_Tristan winked at Susannah across the table._

_"I'm glad to see you two are bonding so well," Mrs. Ludlow stated. "I was worried that since you and Alfred are not terribly close that you might have trouble bonding with dear Susannah as well, but it seems that you two get on just fine."_

_"You've raised two lovely sons, Mrs. Ludlow," Susannah offered._

_"Why thank you dear. We have tried, haven't we William?" she asked her husband._

_"Indeed," he agreed, placing a large bite of steak in his mouth._

_Dinner passed and Colonel Ludlow requested that everyone sit in the den and listen as he read a story, but before long, yawns began to pass amongst his audience and Susannah declared she was going to bed. She made her way up the stairs to the room she was staying in and began changing into her nightgown. Using the light of a candle at her desk, she decided to write a brief letter to Alfred. It wasn't as if he would ever receive it, as she had nowhere to send it, but she felt an urge to tell someone about the exciting events of her day and it might as well be her fiancé. However, when she got to the part where Tristan had kissed her, she put her pen down, finished with her writing for the evening, yet stuck in her daydream._

_As she thought of the taste of his lips on hers, she managed to pick up her brush and loosely begin to pull it through her hair. She had never felt that way about a kiss before, had never felt such a large flame of passion ignite through the simple act and as much as it excited her, it made a tiny part of her very, very scared._

_The night had grown quiet and the house still while she had composed her letter and when the soft tap came at her door, it caught her off guard enough to startle her. She gave little thought to being dressed in her nightgown as she pulled open the door to reveal Tristan standing in the darkened hallway. The single candle from her desk gave her enough light to see the pack slung over his back._

_"You're leaving?" she whispered, her eyes clouding._

_"Susannah, I can't," he paused, watching tears form for what seemed the tenth time today in her beautiful brown eyes. "We can never be."_

_"Tristan, please."_

_He studied her for a moment as a single first tear slid down her cheek. She was so beautiful to him. He had almost decided not to tell her goodbye and for years to come he would wish he had never gone to her room that night, that he had just packed his things and left. For the memories that were to follow would be some of the most painful in his life._

_"Come on," he whispered, taking her hand. "I want to show you something."_

_Despite the fact that she was in her nightgown, she gave little thought to following him down the hall and out of the house, across the grounds to the barn. The grass prickled her feet and she felt the mud squish between her toes, but those thoughts barely touched only the edges of her mind as she enjoyed the feel of her hand in his, the sensation that for at least the next few minutes, they had each other._

_Tristan opened the door of the barn for her and she entered blindly. There was no moon tonight and even the largest of the shadows did not make themselves very clear._

_"Come on," he said, still holding her hand, leading her to one of the stables._

_He dropped his pack on the hay and she felt his hands on her face, pulling her lips up to meet his own. The kiss was more passionate than the first they had shared. _

_He lowered her to the hay that lined the stall and made love to her that night as no one before him ever had and no one after him ever would. It was like she had always imagined it could be and yet had never experienced. He treated her like a beautiful gift that was his only for the taking, opening her gently, treasuring her, before truly enjoying himself. It was sweet and wild, tender and passionate, loving and unbridled. She had never known it could be like this. This was a pleasure she had only dreamed of before now._

_When they were both spent, she laid on his chest in the dark and listened to him breathe. He took her hand and interlaced his fingers with her own, his other hand memorizing each tiny detail of her face as it grazed the smooth, soft skin. She drifted in and out of sleep, of the sweetest dreams, until he whispered that their time must end. Morning was just around the corner and she needed to get back to her bed. They quickly dressed and exited the barn, holding hands in the pale mist that had enveloped the night._

_"Will you be here in the morning?" she asked, terrified of his answer._

_"I'm not going anywhere," he said, leaning in to kiss her lips only too briefly._

_He had been there for breakfast several hours later and at every breakfast, for that matter, for the rest of the summer. Almost every morning they went riding together. Tristan did most of his work during the afternoon and then evenings were usually spent together as well. They shared a bond that Susannah was positive she and Alfred would never know. They could carry on a conversation for hours or spend just as long staring into one another's eyes. They made love by the river, in the barn, in the forest, and even in the house on the rare occasion that Colonel Ludlow was working and Mrs. Ludlow went into town alone._

_Susannah fell hopelessly in love over those few months and although she did her best to hide it, the family was beginning to catch on. Mrs. Ludlow questioned Tristan about his relationship with his brother's future wife on more than one occasion, but each time he assured her that he was merely keeping her company. His father must have known better, but he never addressed the issue with his son._

_As time wore on, Tristan began to consider confessing their betrayal and asking Susannah to become his wife. He had thought they were only going to become involved physically, but it had turned into so much more that he wanted her to himself and he wanted her forever and he didn't care about the ramifications._

_Fall came early that year, turning the bright green leaves shades of orange and red and yellow. Their rides began later and ended earlier as the early morning and evening hours became cooler._

_It was at dinner one night that the Colonel informed them of the letter he had received. Alfred had been injured in battle and was being discharged. At the moment, he was crippled, having been shot in his left thigh, but doctors seemed hopeful that with the right care and treatment, he would be able to walk again soon._

_Mrs. Ludlow cried and Susannah comforted her while Tristan and his father seemed to remain indifferent. With shocking clarity, Susannah realized that she and Tristan would be forced to define their feelings for one another._

_The next morning, Susannah had woken early. Having sensed that something was terribly wrong, she had dressed quickly and rushed outside. The sun was just peeking over the horizon and the sky was a rainbow of oranges, pinks, purples, and blues. She looked across the yard and saw Tristan leading his chestnut bay out of the barn. There was a chilly nip in the air and he was dressed in his warmest pants and a thick coat._

_Susannah swallowed hard as she raced across the yard to meet him._

_"You're leaving?" she asked._

_Tristan struggled to meet her eyes, "I have business to handle."_

_"I don't believe you," she cried. "You're leaving because Alfred is coming home."_

_"It's what's best for everyone," he said simply, straightening his horse's bridle._

_"What about what's best for us?" she asked._

_"We both knew this could never last. Alfred is going to need your undivided attention if he is going to heal completely. I won't deprive him of that."_

_"And what about depriving me?"_

_"It would crush him to know of my betrayal, of our betrayal. He might never heal." Tristan shook his head. "I won't have him know I own you in ways he never will."_

_"But I don't love him," she said, tears pouring down her face._

_"Give it some time, those feelings will grow. He needs you and you need him," he said, refusing to meet her eyes._

_"What I need is you!" she argued._

_Tristan shook his head, "It was a mistake Susannah. You belong with him. He can provide for you better than I ever will. This is all I have," he said, gesturing around the ranch. "Alfred's going to be something more and you're going to be by his side. You deserve someone who can provide for you."_

_"I don't care about all those things," she said._

_Tristan focused on the horizon, staying firm. "Look at my life. I'm here one day, gone the next...for months at a time sometimes. I can't commit, long term, not every like you're going to want me to. This is how it has to be."_

_In two steps he was on his horse._

_"I love you!" she said, reaching for him as he gave his horse a jab to bring him into a gallop._

_One week later, Alfred had returned._

_Tristan had been right as Alfred needed her complete and undivided attention to get better. The gunshot wound had left him briefly crippled. If he treated his body well and gave it time to heal, the doctors felt his chances of walking again were good. Still, it had been a shock to see him come home in a wheelchair. _

_As Susannah helped him get well, their relationship began to repair itself and grow again. She tried desperately hard not to think about the times she had shared with Tristan, those nights of making love with wild abandon, and gradually, she began to not think so much about the passion that had transpired between them._

_After an infinitely long, harsh winter, spring came and Alfred began to walk again. They had a small wedding down in the valley, close to the river. It was beautiful and romantic and Susannah found herself thinking of Tristan only once during the ceremony._

_After the wedding, they bought a house in the city. Alfred was well and more than ready to start working again and Susannah, although she loved the open air and the countryside, was secretly glad for the chance to be away from all of her memories of the love she and Tristan had shared._

_Things had gone smoothly for them at first. Alfred was elected a Congressman in the first two years of their marriage and they sold their small house for a much larger one. Over the beginning years, they tried desperately hard to have children, but to their dismay, nothing seemed to work._

_Looking back, she had always known that was when their marriage had really begun to crumble, but she had never analyzed it much further. Alfred had always been deseperate to have children and now that he had become a political figure like his closest friends, he wanted a family more than ever. In his mind, his all American dream could never fully come to fruition without children. Over the years, it had become more and more obvious that they were not meant to have a family and Alfred had turned into more of a bachelor than a loving husband. At parties and social functions, Susannah was left to entertain on her own while he courted only the most beautiful young ladies of high society with his war stories and political ingenue._

_One night she had finally grown bold enough to question him about his flirtations. He had responded to her by telling her that if she was unable to provide offspring for him, he should be able to find someone who could. She had asked for a divorce and he had slapped her, informing her that she would remain by his side as long as he deemed necessary. It had grown much, much worse after that._

_Susannah had turned to smoking and drinking as her vices for freedom from those dark times and then, more than ever, she thought about Tristan. The memories had come back cool and crisp and clear and for the first time, they were calming. Why had she ever left the arms of a man who had actually loved her for one who could simply provide for her?_

_They had gone to visit his parents a handful of times over the years and with each visit she had desperately hoped to see him again, but he was never there, always off on business. He had visited Alfred a few times in the city, but never when Susannah seemed to be around. More often than not, Mrs. Ludlow would come to spend the weekends with them. She couldn't have been more proud of her eldest son's accomplishments. The thought had crossed Susannah's mind of telling her exactly how her son treated her, but she feared his mother would only turn a blind eye and a deaf ear, causing her punishments to become even more frequent than they already were. She felt trapped and had no one to turn to._

_Susannah had started to wonder if she would ever see Tristan again and she was terrified of the potential answer. Just to see him once, to be given the chance to put her arms around him, to feel his lips on hers, but she couldn't let her mind wander there. Not now._

She took another sip of her wine and closed her eyes, breathing in the musky scent as she pictured Tristan with his long blond hair and liquid blue eyes. In her imagination, he usually wore a long sleeve shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a pair of khaki work pants, boots, and his hair pulled into a ponytail under his hat. He would be soiled and sweating from his work in the fields all day, but it wouldn't stop the broad smile from spreading across his features when his eyes met hers. The vision that came to her tonight, however, was a different one entirely.

He was wearing a suit, black pants and coat with a white button down shirt and a black tie. His hair was brushed and hung loose, framing his face in waves. His eyes looked sad and it made her wonder if he missed her as much as she missed him. The vision seemed so clear tonight that she took another sip of her wine to make it stay with her a little longer.

He was walking up the stairs now, reaching out a hand to test the door that stood between them and though in her mind she knew it was all just an illusion she was creating, she stepped forward and tentatively twisted the lock to the open position. If Alfred saw her now, he would be furious, convinced she really was going as crazy as he suspected, but she wouldn't let thoughts of him spoil her vision just yet. She pushed them aside with another deep swallow of wine, twisting the handle of the door and pulling it open, completely lost in her fantasy. She took one step towards him and he took one towards her. She could actually smell him now, could almost feel his breath on her face.

_What was in this wine she had been drinking? And why hadn't she discovered it sooner? _she thought, her eyes displaying her longing for him. She was lost, falling fast, and wondering how her mind had made him seem so real as she took the last drink of wine from her glass.

She closed her eyes to savor the moment and it was then she could feel the hand on her wrist, gently pulling her hand away from her mouth. His touch was soft, his fingertips spreading warmth through her arm and even though she knew she had created him, he felt so real to her now. He took her wrists in his hands and leaned forward, kissing her on the cheek. She could feel his breath, warm on her ear. Her body leaned into his, craving his affection. She could almost feel his lips on hers.

"Susannah," he said, his voice soft and low, "it's been too long. It's so good to see you."

She let out a small breath that she wasn't sure how long she had been holding, and as she opened her eyes, she slowly began to realize that she was not lost in a hallucination, but that Tristan was standing right here in front of her.

"You look just as beautiful as you always did. The years have been good to you."

Her lips failed to form words. She had dreamed of this day for so long and now that it had come, she wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Tristan leaned over to peer around Susannah at the party taking place. "He's made quite a name for himself, hasn't he?"

Susannah gave a small nod. "I thought I might never see you again. What are you doing here?"

His eyes fell to their hands and the smile she had brought to his face faded. "I came to bring Alfred news. Father had a stroke last night." Tristan's eyes clouded with tears. "He's dead."

"Oh Tristan, I'm so sorry."

"We're putting him in the ground on Wednesday. I know Father and Alfred haven't always gotten along, but I thought he might want to be there."

"Of course we'll be there. Your parents have been a second family to me."

He nodded, squeezing her wrists in his hands before letting go.

"Oh Tristan, I'm so, so sorry," she whispered, tears forming in the corners of her eyes as well.

"Do you think Alfred would mind if I, hey, don't you be getting all teary eyed too," he said, meeting her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I just...I need a moment," she said, turning away from him.

He moved around her, putting his back to the crowd behind him. He studied her briefly before going to wipe away her tears with his thumb, but as his hand brushed her cheek in a motion to sweep her hair behind her ear, she flinched, immediately pulling her hair back in front of her face. She had styled it carefully only a few hours earlier, so that it would fall perfectly over most of her right eye. She had thought the style looked sultry when she had gotten it just right, but it had been born out of necessity. Tristan had seen more than enough in those few seconds, however.

His eyes darkened and he reached for her face again. She put up her hand to stop him, but he would not be dissuaded. He stared at the angry mark while Susannah squeezed her eyes shut, praying for the moment to be over.

"What happened?" he asked.

Satisfied that he had gotten a good enough look, Susannah brushed her hair into her face again, "Nothing. It was just an accident."

Tristan didn't seem convinced.

"I caught it on a cabinet," she lied, unable to meet his eyes. "It was a stupid mistake. I wasn't paying attention."

"Did Alfred do that to you?" he asked.

"No, I told you, it was..."

"If he hit you, I swear, I'll..." he trailed off after having interrupted her.

"He didn't. I told you, it was an accident." Her words almost sounded sincere, but her eyes gave her away and suddenly she couldn't keep it all inside anymore. She didn't want to keep it all inside anymore. "I'm sure I deserved it."

Tristan's face darkened even more, his blue eyes turning stormy.

"A lot of things have changed since you left."

"Nothing gives him the right to hit you, to leave a mark on you like that."

"I'm a terrible wife," Susannah's eyes watered. "I can't give him anything he needs."

"Don't believe those lies," Tristan said.

"I can't have his child. I'm not as good in bed as half the ladies he sees on a regular basis. I drink and smoke too much. I have hallucinations and dreams..."

"Susannah, Susannah, calm down," he quieted, pulling her into his arms, fighting to control his temper.

She sobbed on his shoulder, "I thought you'd never come back."

"Sssshh," he whispered, cradling her.

"I thought you never wanted to see me again."

"Ssssshhh." He swept her hair off her shoulder and noticed another bruise on the back of her arm. Touching it very softly, she flinched. "Oh Anna. I'm so sorry."

He held her a minute longer and then tried to get her to sit down. "Come on," he said, leading her to the kitchen table. "I need you to sit down for a second while I take care of things, ok?"

She nodded. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna make sure he never hits you again."

"Tristan, please don't," she cried, sounding desperate even in her own ears as she stood and attempted to follow him through the crowd.

Most of the people at the party were now turning their attention to the disturbance Tristan was causing as he briskly approached his brother. He had spotted him all the way across the house, even as he had been in the kitchen with Susannah. He was sitting with a young, blond woman and the way his eyes were taking her in, Tristan had no doubt that Susannah wasn't the only one filling his brother's bed these days.

"Alfred," he called, loud enough to interrupt the conversation his older brother was having and causing Alfred to turn to him. "How dare you," Tristan said lowly, still approaching him.

Alfred raised his wine glass in a gesture towards the air. "Tristan," he seemed surprised, "I don't recall putting your name on the guest list, but since you're family..."

"How dare you," Tristan repeated, meeting his eyes from only a few feet now.

Alfred looked slightly confused, "I'm sorry brother, I'm not sure what exactly you're talking about." He stood from his position on the couch to face Tristan fully. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?"

"She is a beautiful woman who I loved. Who I still love," Tristan pointed harshly towards Susannah, who had followed him into the room in an attempt to stop him, but now stood still in shock, powerless to do anything.

Alfred looked even more confused, "Did you come here only to profess some sort of strange obsession with my wife and embarrass me in front of my guests?"

"If I ever find out that you hit her again, after tonight, I will make you regret the first day you ever laid eyes on her," he said heatedly.

Susannah blinked back tears as she reached out to him, "Tristan, please."

Alfred's lips curled into a smile. "I can assure you my wife and I are very happy together. We understand each other. There's nothing wrong in our marriage. Tell him Susannah."

Susannah reminded motionless, barely nodding her head.

"See, I told you so," Alfred said, a satisfied smile spreading across his face. "Now, I'm going to ask you to leave dear brother, before this escalates into something you'll regret."

"The only regret I have is telling her eight years ago that she belonged by your side and not mine. I thought she had a better chance at having a good life if she was with you, but it looks like I was wrong."

"Look at her! That dress she's wearing cost more money than you'll see in two months time. Do you think you would have even the slightest chance of providing for her like I do?" Alfred smiled, as if mocking him.

"It's not about money. I love her and I care about her. She deserves to be treated right."

"She's never fulfilled her duties as a wife. She can't bear children and she refuses to keep to only our bed. She's a whore. If you lived in town, if you saw her on a regular basis," Alfred chuckled to himself. "What am I saying? Clearly, she's already seduced you, despite the fact that you're my own brother. I can't tell you how many other men's beds she's filled in this town."

Tristan punched Alfred hard in the face, catching him completely by surprise. He toppled backwards towards the loveseat and fell into the lap of the young socialite with whom he had previously been flirting. She scrambled out of his way, standing up and brushing off her short red dress. A dozen or more guests looked on in surprise, watching the spectacle unfold in front of them.

Alfred wiped at his bloody nose with a handkerchief he pulled from his pocket. "If you know what's good for you, you'll be leaving now."

"I'm taking her with me," Tristan stated, his voice a low rumble.

"She's my wife and you'll do no such thing. Why did you come here Tristan?" he said, getting more and more irritated. "Was it just to mock me in front of my guests? Was it purely to reveal your betrayal with my wife to my friends and colleagues? Because I can assure you, they already know what type of woman she is."

Tristan took a deep breath. "Father's dead. He had a stroke."

Alfred looked as if the wind had been knocked out of him as he sat down heavily. Susannah hovered, a fractured waif, in the background.

"The funeral is in a few days. Mother would like you by her side. I would like nothing more than to never see you again. I'll leave it up to you as to what you feel you should do."

Tristan turned and began to walk out, taking Susannah's hand as he passed her. She followed him blindly for two steps before Alfred blocked their path.

"You're lucky enough to be leaving here without the authorities, but I'll be damned if you're going to take my wife with you."

Susannah continued to cry softly, begging Tristan only in her mind to please not leave her with him.

"I"m not going to leave her here so you can take your frustrations out on her later. If you want to hit someone, here I am."

Alfred chuckled, but made no sincere move to stop them when Tristan pushed by him, putting a protective arm around Susannah. She was shaking from fear as he guided her out of the house and into the cool air.

"Susannah, please forgive me for leaving you alone with him so many years ago. If I had know he," Tristan choked on the words. "I thought I was doing what was best for you. I wasn't sure that I could give you what you needed."

"I only ever needed you," she whispered.

"I know. I know that now."

Susannah leaned into him.

"It's alright," he whispered, pulling her closer to him. "We're gonna be together now."

Susannah nodded, her mind in a million different places, but her heart feeling for once she might be going home.


End file.
